


Mediocrity is Extraordinary

by hgregwallflower



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Happy Ending, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-21
Updated: 2013-06-21
Packaged: 2017-12-15 15:58:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/851381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hgregwallflower/pseuds/hgregwallflower
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set in their sixth year at Hogwarts, Sirius has trouble dealing with the thought that he is incredibly mediocre, and how could somebody as mediocre as he is possibly deserve someone as extraordinary as Remus?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! I wrote this fic a year ago, just now deciding to post it to this website. I tried to edit it but we all know how painful it is to read our own writing... Anyways, I hope you enjoy! This is the first of three chapters. Here's the sad part, so it only gets happier from here :)  
> -hgregwallflower

When people hear the name ‘Sirius Black,’ they assume that he is quite an exceptional guy. It’s really very flattering, however, according to Sirius it is far from the truth. Anyone who knows him personally can probably write a novel about just how mediocre he really is. From the outside, it seems as though Sirius has everything. He has girls running at him because of his charm, he gets decent enough grades without even studying, and he has three wonderful friends. But when Sirius is left alone with his thoughts, he just can’t help but feel mediocre. On an average day he accepts his mediocrity. He has always been okay with the fact that he will not ever study for classes (no really, that requires getting the textbooks out), that he will probably leave Hogwarts with only the NEWTS that he has a natural talent for, that he can’t read books that are written in old English by someone who passed away a hundred years ago, and that he’s lazy as fuck. Sirius is fine with all of this, until he realizes that the thing about being a mediocre person is that it makes it difficult to hang around an extraordinary person.

Being mediocre is cool, right? Then he can hang out with other mediocre people and live a fulfilling life of not working too hard and definitely pranking far too many Slytherins. Unfortunately, he never knew that this would become a problem when he met the one and only Remus Lupin. 

None of this even mattered until September 4th of his sixth year at Hogwarts, which was when being mediocre went from being cool to the worst fucking thing in the world. It started when Sirius went to join his friends at the Gryffindor table.

“Hey Padfoot! Good to see you might actually make it to class on time today” Remus said as he smiled up at Sirius and his eyes shined. Sirius knows that sounds ridiculous, but one of the most extraordinary things about Remus is the way that his eyes shine. It’s very hard to describe. First of all, his eyes are amber and this sparkle just adds something really special to it. Sirius knows he probably sounds like a middle school girl, but he feels like Remus’ eyes only shine when he’s looking at him. Or he’s just imagining it, which is more likely… 

“Is everything okay? Sirius Black not talking my ear off is a little bit disturbing, even so early in the morning.”

“Yes! Hello my darling. Good morning to you! And good morning to James and Peter too! How glorious it is to eat breakfast together on such a fine Tuesday morning. So what have I missed?” Sirius said all very quickly, trying to distract the others from noticing the blush that was very quickly appearing on his face.

“Well,” Peter explained, “Remus was telling us about all of the clubs he’s joining this year, and James was trying to get him to change his mind by convincing him to hang out with us more and pull more pranks on the unsuspecting Slytherins.”

“Honestly, I don’t think they’re very ‘unsuspecting’ anymore, Pete. But anyway, what clubs are you joining, Rem?”

“Oh he’s only joined about a million, including ‘Gobstone Club,’ ‘Astronomy Club,’ ‘Muggle Appliances Club,’ and the freaking dancing team!” James said, rolling his eyes fondly. 

“Well aren’t you a busy one,” Sirius said, frowning. “When will we have time to cuddle on the couch and whisper romantic things to each other?” Sirius winked at him.

Remus blushed and his eyes started shining at Sirius again. It really is painful for him to have to deal with shining eyes on a daily basis. “Oh haha, Sirius,” he said, rolling his eyes. “You know I might actually take you up on that if it weren’t for Cassie.”

“What?” Peter froze halfway into taking a bite out of his toast.

“What? Who?” James demanded.

“Who’s Cassie?” Sirius asked, trying to hide his disappointment.

“She’s this really sweet girl that I met over the summer. She only lives about a block away from me.”

“But don’t you live in a muggle neighborhood?” Peter asked.

“Yeah, Cassie’s a muggle. She’s really cool though, you guys would like her!” Remus said, smiling.

~

Funnily enough, what Sirius had suggested to Remus at breakfast that morning was actually starting to come true later in the evening. But not exactly in the way that he had hoped. Cuddling would be replaced with sitting next to each other with their sides touching, and whispering romantic things would be replaced with Remus telling Sirius romantic things about… somebody else.

James and Peter had gone up to bed a half hour ago, and even though they had classes tomorrow, Remus and Sirius continued to relax in the common room, lounging on the sofa by the fire. 

The wonderful thing about being friends with Remus, Sirius thought, is that it’s perfectly acceptable to be silent for long periods of time. Coming from Sirius, this might sound strange, but even someone as talkative and wild as he is needs some time to calm down and think. It just so happens that this usually occurs in the middle of the night when it’s just him and Remus. And as much as he would have enjoyed staying silent for another hour before going to bed, he definitely needed to talk to Remus about something. He was happy for him because he seemed to find someone that he liked, but it certainly made him feel uncomfortable. In the chest area. Maybe it was a heartache?

He took a deep breath to prepare himself for the inevitable depressing conversation.

“So tell me about Cassie,” he said.

“Oh Sirius, you would really like her! Cassie… is not like other girls. I can’t even begin to tell you how wonderful she is. For one thing, she’s crazy! She has so many thoughts and ideas and – you would like her. We met at the bookstore actually, and we bonded immediately. Almost every time that we’ve hung out since then we’ve ended up having these crazy conversations about life and death and books. She’s just so intelligent.”

“Wow, that’s great Moony. I’m happy for you!” Sirius tried to smile at Remus and hoped that he couldn’t see right through it. It’s rather difficult listening to the object of your affections describe how much they adore somebody else. 

“Yeah, thanks!” Remus said, his eyes shining. His eyes are shining for precious Cassie though, not me, Sirius thinks grimly. Shining eyes were supposed to be exclusively for him. “I’m going to hang out with her all the time over Christmas break. I miss her a lot. We’re actually taking it really slowly because she never really liked labeling herself, but I guess you could say we’re in a relationship. The thing about Cassie though, is that she doesn’t trust anyone. She has a pretty messed up past. It’s just really cool for us because now I can show her what a real relationship should be like, you know? I can show her what it’s like to have someone to really care about her and not push her too fast.”

“Aw, that’s so wonderful.” Sirius had never heard Remus talk so much all at once. “You must be crazy about her.”

“I am, she’s really great! You know – I actually got her to open up to me a lot. Right before we left she even told me that she loved me.”

Sirius felt his heart sink, but he didn’t dare ask if Remus said it in return.

“At first I felt bad because I didn’t say it back, but she’s such a cynic that she didn’t expect anything from me anyways. I know this relationship won’t work out in the long run, but… she really is wonderful.”

“Oh, why won’t it work out?”

“Cassie’s just so crazy, you know? She’s absolutely perfect right now, but after a year or so she would start driving me nuts. I just know it won’t be long-term, but I am really happy to at least show her the good side of relationships.”

Sirius wanted to ask what kind of person Remus would want to be with forever, but he didn’t have the courage. Talking about things that gave him heartache really made him a whole lot less talkative. It drained him of energy just to listen to Remus talking about someone he was crazy about. It really was unfair.

“We should probably head up to our dorm,” Remus said. “Sorry I kept you up late.”

“Oh it’s fine! I’m really happy for you. Cassie sounds like a really wonderful and – wild girl. Really, congrats.”

Remus smiled at him, and stretched as he got up off the sofa. He offered his hand down to Sirius, who took it and let himself be pulled up by his friend. Sirius gave him a sad smile and Remus answered by pulling him into a one-armed hug as they walked away. 

They climbed up the stairs together, Sirius dreading the inevitable sleepless night.

~

And so it began, Sirius thought, as he lay in bed staring up at the canopy. He had always thought that he could see through Remus, that perhaps he returned the love that Sirius gave him, but he never did anything about it because the timing was always so awful. Every time that Remus was dating someone, Sirius was single. Whenever Sirius was dating someone, Remus was single. It was really quite unfortunate. After breaking up with his previous girlfriend, Sirius told himself that this would be the year when he told Remus how he felt. But of course, still stuck in their pattern of dating, that didn’t seem so likely anymore. 

Because in order to win Remus Lupin’s heart, one cannot simply be mediocre! Remus can read novels written in ancient languages, he can study for hours on end and will receive top grades for it, he’s a part of numerous clubs, he has a family who loves him, and he’s such a witty genius. Remus is extraordinary. With that thought, Sirius let the tears start to fall, dampening the hair behind his ears. When he signed up for being an ordinary mediocre guy, he didn’t know he would be preventing himself from having the love of his life. Although he really didn’t know why he ever even thought that he could have somebody like Remus, when Remus deserved so much better than him. Remus deserved somebody extraordinary.


	2. Chapter Two

After pulling a rather ridiculous prank, that in Sirius’ opinion wasn't worth the punishment, the marauders had all had to serve detention for the rest of the week. McGonagall had decided to make sure they weren't serving the same detention this time, because she clearly remembered the last time she had made that decision. It had only taken a minute to make all of the water disappear, but walking in on the four boys in the bathroom with a flood so large there were actually tidal waves was incredibly distressing.

Sirius had just finished up a late night of helping Professor Sprout clean the greenhouses by hand. He stumbled through the portrait hole into the common room and made his way over to his friends, who were spread out by the fire. As he approached, Remus shot him a small smile in his direction.

“Hey Padfoot,” he said.

“Sirius!” James exclaimed. “What on earth took you so long? Remus and I finished a whole hour ago and Pete came back like fifteen minutes after that!”

Sirius scowled at James. “I was wiping down the greenhouses. Now I’m exhausted and covered in mud, and this isn't even fair because you’re the one who got us caught, and here I am working harder than all three of you!”

“Hey, calm down,” Remus said. “James has some news that will cheer you up.”

“I’m sorry I got us caught, it won’t happen again.” (“Yes it will,” Sirius muttered under his breath). “But the good news is… you will all be coming to my place for the last week of Christmas break!”

“Praise the Lord!” Sirius said sarcastically. “I don’t know if you forgot, mate, but… I already spend every Christmas break with you because my family is a huge pile of douchebags.”

“You missed the important part. I said you all. Peter and Remus will be joining us and we can do tons of marauder-like things and wreak havoc throughout the entire house, and my parents will not be able to do anything to stop us!”

Sirius couldn't help the grin that broke across his face despite his bad mood. Spending a week at James’ mansion was wonderful already, but adding in their two other best friends made it heaven.

Peter and Remus were clearly just excited as he was, because they sent him goofy smiles in return.

Sirius slapped James on the shoulder and said “Right! Well now that you've effectively cheered me up, I’m going to go shower so I don’t have to smell like a plant for the rest of the night. Tonight we can plan billions of fun things to do at your place!”

Sirius gave a dramatic salute to his friends as he backed away. He winked at Remus, but turned around to head up the stairs too quickly to notice the blush on Remus’ face.

James sighed. “I’ve never been able to understand how he can change moods so quickly. It’s almost exhausting!”

~

Christmas break passed by far too quickly for Sirius. As much as he loved Hogwarts, there was something incredibly comforting about the Potter’s mansion. For being so huge, it really was impressive that it still managed to keep the homey feel to it. That’s why Sirius loved it so much, it was almost the exact opposite of his family’s home. And it was a really nice change to be around Mrs. Potter because he never received any motherly affection at home. Or what his family called home, at any rate. Sirius’ home was with the Potter’s as far as he was concerned.

His Christmas break was made even more wonderful on the day that Remus and Peter arrived to spend the last week with them. 

Sirius had been helping Mrs. Potter do the dishes, which she insisted that they do by hand in order to gain something called “discipline” apparently… but Sirius never complained. Well he did, but only jokingly of course. He may seem like an ungrateful and wildly charming boy on the outside, but he always appreciated everything Mrs. Potter did for him. So as he was jokingly complaining to her that wizards had magic so that they didn't have to wash dishes by hand, there was a knock on the door. 

Sirius dropped his still-soapy dish in the sink and ran to the foyer as quickly as possible. 

“Pete!” he yelled as James swung the door open to let in their friend.

“Hey guys!” Peter grinned at them, lugging his trunk behind him.

James flung his arms around him and squeezed until Peter started gasping for breath.

“Nice to see you too, Prongs.”

“Pete, we’ve been waiting all break to see you and Moony! This is going to be great! It’s going to be so much fun! What do you want to do first?!”

“I suggest we show him his room and let him drop his trunk off before we start destroying your place all over again, mate” Sirius said, conking James in the head.

“Okay, fine. Fine. Let’s go!” James practically sprinted up the stairs, with Sirius and Peter in tow. “Yours is the farthest room down the hall, and next to you is Sirius’, then Remus’, then mine!” Peter dragged his trunk into his room.

“You know it’s really nice that you have so many guest bedrooms,” Sirius commented. “It’s kind of funny that we share a room at school, but now that we’re on break there aren't any more sleepovers!” 

“We can still have sleepovers! Also we’ll be fucking shit up from the moment we wake up every day, so I’m sure we’ll be exhausted by the end of the day anyways. And if we’re not exhausted, then we’re not doing it right!” James exclaimed.

“You do have a point,” Peter said as he reemerged from his room, after dumping his trunk in the middle of the floor. “It was nice to see my family and all, but it got really boring after a while, so I am actually incredibly grateful to have to deal with both of you again!”

“Of course you are!” Sirius declared. “It is always an honor to be in our presence.” 

“Boys!” Mrs. Potter yelled up the stairs. “Remus is here! He came by floo!”

All three of them took off running, jumping down most of the steps while they raced to the bottom. They ran to the living room, where Remus was standing by the fireplace with a huge grin on his face. 

“Hey guys,” he said. 

“Moony, this is so wonderful! We are all finally together!” James practically yelled. “This is the best Christmas ever.”

Sirius quickly threw his arm over Remus’ shoulder and steered him towards the stairway to show him to his room, James and Peter following behind. Sirius tugged Remus closer to him and shot him a grin, thinking that this was going to be a chaotic but wonderful week.

~

Three days later, Mr. and Mrs. Potter were already beginning to pull their hair out. It really was a tiresome job living with four teenage boys full of energy. The only time that they had to relax was in the morning before they all woke up. Because the boys stayed up so late, the morning silence usually lasted until 1pm due to sleeping in. 

So after a full day of playing Quidditch in the yard and running around the house, the four of them retreated to their rooms at around 1:30am, which really was quite an early bed-time considering the rest of the week.

Sirius climbed into bed and rejoiced at how comfortable it was. Unfortunately, he was still wide awake. He was still riled up from the activities of the day, and hadn’t crashed like the rest of them, and therefore was left to deal with his thoughts.

Remus knew that Sirius loved him, right? Of course Sirius never actually said this out loud, but he certainly showed it through his actions and Remus wasn’t one of those blind teenage boys, right? Because he sees the acknowledgement Remus gives him every time that he shows his love, like when Sirius looks at him particularly affectionately or when he holds him too tightly in a hug. Remus just looks at him with his shining eyes, and Sirius knows that Remus knows. It’s really a rather simple relationship, for being so… tragic.

There was a soft knock on the door, breaking Sirius from his contemplations. The door creaked open slowly and Remus popped his head in.

“Are you awake?” he whispered.

“Yeah. Hey Moony.”

Remus shut the door behind him and blindly made his way towards the bed. Sirius rolled over and Remus sat down on the mattress next to him.

“What brings you here at such a late hour?” Sirius asked him.

“Well we’ve been so busy running around lately that it’s been so long since we’ve actually talked. Plus, I know it takes you an hour or so to fall asleep after you lay down anyways, and I couldn’t sleep” he said, smiling fondly at Sirius through the darkness.

“Ahh you know me well.”

They fell into a comfortable silence, Sirius feeling content just by knowing Remus was right there next to him. He knew that Remus probably visited Cassie over break but he was trying especially hard not to be jealous, so he tried not to bring her up in conversation. That didn’t mean he wasn’t curious though.

Instead he said “Can you believe we’re going to be starting our last year of Hogwarts after this term ends?” 

Remus heaved a great sigh. “It’s such a crazy concept. There’s no way we can be that old already.”

“I know. I haven’t even made peace with the fact that we’re in our sixth year yet. I still feel like I’m fourteen years old. It’s like I haven’t grown at all since then, I just got stuck or something.”

“Really? Why do you feel like that?” Remus asked, a look of concern on his face.

“What? No reason really,” he lied, knowing and kind of hoping that Remus would see through him. He couldn’t help that he felt fourteen years old. On the inside he was still just the same heartbroken teenage boy he was then. Spending years with a chronic heartache kind of turned it into a dull ache in the back of Sirius’ mind. Well, that was only after he had gotten over his “gay crisis” as he liked to call it (basically a month of being particularly bitchy to his friends while he tried to figure himself out). Nowadays, he was cheerful, aggressive, and full of energy all of the time, but there was always that consistent ache. Whenever he admitted to himself that he was heartbroken, he just felt so young and pathetic. 

“No really. Why do feel like you haven’t grown up at all?”

Sirius couldn’t even bring himself to answer, so he just laid his head on his pillow and stayed silent. His emotions were always brought roughly to the surface when Remus was around.

“Are you okay?” Remus asked him.

“Yeah!” he said, sitting upright and putting his cheerful face back on. “Absolutely. So how are your parents anyway?”

There were many reasons that Sirius was in love with Remus, one of the huge ones being that Remus always went along with Sirius’ attempts to change the subject. Remus gave him a sad and knowing smile, but obliged. 

“They’re good. They’re enjoying the Christmas season, and we even had my Aunt Trisha over the other evening. My family is usually really secluded, you know, so that was a really nice surprise to actually have company.”

The small talk continued for another thirty minutes, and Sirius was grateful for it. He didn’t have to think about anything, just chat with Remus about non-important things. After a while Remus began to drift off. Every five to ten minutes he would wake up abruptly and say “Oh my God, I’m so tired. I’m sorry, I should go back to my room.” And then Sirius would shush him, and Remus would be passed out again only thirty seconds later. He knew he should probably let Remus go so that James and Peter wouldn’t make fun of them for sharing a bed in the morning, but he just didn’t want Remus to leave because then he would start thinking about all of the horrible feelings that only came out in the middle of the night. Everything was peaceful when Remus was still here.

Sirius would have felt guilty, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to. He used the time that Remus was sleeping by admiring him in a way that he never had a chance to in the daytime because people would notice. He noticed how much bigger Remus had grown over the years but how he still looked small and peaceful while curled around Sirius’ pillow. He watched his lips and had to use every single ounce of self-control within him not to reach out and run his finger along Remus’ bottom lip. Sirius smiled to himself and reached out to push Remus’ hair out of his face.

“Huh?” Remus startled awake and Sirius quickly moved his hand away. “It’s so late. I’m going back to my room.”

“Okay,” Sirius said, his heart sinking. Remus struggled to wake up enough to move for about a minute, but slowly drifted back into unconsciousness yet again.

“Oh Moony,” Sirius whispered. Sometimes Remus was too adorable for him to handle.

However, having Remus sleeping next to him caused him to be wide awake. It made his senses too alert to possibly become tired. Sirius decided that is was worth being made fun of in the morning to have Remus stay there for the night. He suddenly felt very motherly, as he helped Remus spread out and get comfortable. He pulled his blanket over Remus and tucked it around him and over his shoulders. Then he lied back against his pillow and relaxed in the peace that came with lying down next to his best friend and listening to his soft breathing.

It really was amazing how easy it was to forget about his heartache when Remus was in the same room as him. Love was a very strange thing, Sirius thought. No matter how often it screwed everything up or made him question how much he wished he were more extraordinary like Remus, love was always a beautiful thing. Lying next to Remus and listening to him breathe gave Sirius such peace and happiness, regardless of the situation. No matter how many times he tells himself that love is stupid, he knows that it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to him. He just wished that it was the best thing to happen to Remus too.


	3. Chapter Three

Returning to school after Christmas break was bittersweet for everybody. Sure, all of the marauders were going to miss fooling around at James’ mansion and receiving motherly affection from Mrs. Potter, but they couldn’t deny the wonderful feeling of being back home at Hogwarts. 

Since returning to school, Sirius had been neglecting his homework even more than usual because he was in a constant state of nervousness. He had a plan: he was going to tell Remus how he felt about him and damn any and all consequences. Because since when does Sirius Black back down from a dangerous and frightening task? Since never! He was sorted into Gryffindor for a reason, right? 

That was his motivational speech anyways, and he kept repeating it over and over to himself in his head, day after day. 

Sirius didn’t deal with nervousness very well. Being nervous often made him keep more to himself and feel slightly sick, which caused him to lose his appetite. His friends were starting to worry about him when he would zone out in the middle of conversations with a really serious look on his face, and when he would only nibble on various foods during meal times. 

Finally, when he could handle it no longer, he decided to make his first move.

The marauders were walking to breakfast, late as usual because James slept in. Sirius had been even more jumpy than usual on this particular morning because he was absolutely going to talk to Remus today, no matter what. 

Peter was talking about his transfiguration essay, Remus was giving him advice and offering his help, and James was still yawning sleepily. Sirius was uncharacteristically silent. Well, he was silent on the outside, but on the inside his stomach was rolling in circles and every part of him was screaming and vibrating and jumping.

“Sirius?”

Sirius jumped, alarmed. “What?”

“Did you do your transfiguration essay yet?” Peter asked him.

“No, of course not. Did you?”

“Sirius,” Remus said, putting a hand on his shoulder. “We’ve been talking about this for the past ten minutes, he hasn’t done his and wanted your help as well of mine.”

“Oh come on, you can’t be that hopeless, Pete. I’m rubbish at writing essays.”

“True, but you have a natural talent for the subject!” Peter said. Sirius felt a wave of affection towards him, silently relishing in the thought that at least one person thought that he was the tiniest bit extraordinary at something.

Sirius patted Peter on the back. “Well for that lovely compliment, I will certainly help you!”

James yawned. “Count me in too, I’m in desperate need of your transfiguration expertise.”

Remus smiled at Sirius, who felt his stomach immediately plummet to the ground. “Hey Remus,” he said. If he couldn't do it now, he would never do it. 

"Yeah?”

“Um.” Great. What a wonderful start, one word and he was already incoherent. “Uh, can we talk later?”

“Sure,” he said smiling. He looked curiously at Sirius. James and Peter also turned their heads in his direction.

“What, why don’t you want to talk to me too?” asked James. 

“Oh, is this about another essay or something?” Peter inquired.

“Uh… yeah, something like that,” Sirius said, looking at Remus and trying to show him that it wasn't. Judging by the look of curiosity that Remus was still sending his way, Sirius thought it was safe to guess that Remus understood his nonverbal message.

~

Sirius felt so nauseous the rest of the day that he actually had to lay down after classes finished. He went up to their dorm as quickly as possible and immediately threw himself on his bed. He didn't do well with nervousness, especially in large doses. The sooner he got this over with, the better.

"Hey man, are you feeling alright?” James asked as he walked into the dorm behind him.

“Yeah,” Sirius said. “I just feel a little woozy, it will go away after I lay here for a bit, I’m sure.”

“…Alright,” James said, still looking a little worried, but he walked across the room and dropped his bag on his bed.

Remus and Peter walked into the dorm and followed James’ lead by dropping everything on their beds.

“Sirius, you wanted to talk?” Remus asked.

Sirius’ heart immediately started racing and he felt ill again, despite lying down.

“Uh, yeah,” he said as he slowly sat up. “How about later?” he asked with a small smile, knowing he would put it off as late as possible even though he wanted so badly to be brave.

“That works for me, just tell me when.”

“Okay,” Sirius said. “Hey, by the way… what ever happened to Cassie? Did you guys ever end up hanging out over Christmas break?”

James and Peter looked around curiously. Remus had a sad look on his face. “Yeah, we hung out once. I had actually been doing a lot of thinking beforehand. I figured she’s a muggle and I’m a werewolf, how could we possibly get around that? And even though she’s a really wonderful person, I know she isn't the best person for me. So when we hung out I broke it off. She was pretty upset about it.”

“You look upset about it too,” Sirius said, concerned.

“I am a little, but it’s not so bad. I saw it coming. I knew it wouldn't last in the long run, I just didn't know how long it would take for it to end.”

~

The evening came and went and Sirius still hadn’t had his little chat with Remus. The marauders were all lying in their beds with their curtains drawn and the lights out. Either Remus had forgotten that they were supposed to talk, or he was just assuming Sirius would do it tomorrow.

As easy as it would be to push it off another day, Sirius knew he couldn’t handle another sleepless night and another day full of being nauseous due to his overactive nerves. He crawled out of bed very quietly and tiptoed over to Remus’. He stuck his head through the curtains.

“Remus?” he whispered.

“Mfphhm.”

“Are you awake?”

Remus rolled over and looked at him sleepily. “Yeah. What’s up?” 

“Uhhhh, chat?”

“Oh. Right.” Remus sat up slowly and yawned. “Common room?”

Sirius nodded and they both crept out of the dorm room, trying not to wake James and Peter. Once they were settled on the couch in front of the fire, Sirius almost had a heart attack. This was the moment. Time to talk about anything and everything.

“So,” he said.

“So…” Remus looked at him sleepily. “What did you want to talk about?”

“Well there’s kind of a lot, and I don’t really know how to ease into it, so can I just say everything without worrying about being blunt?” Sirius asked. 

“Yes, of course,” Remus responded, frowning. “Should I be worried?”

“No, no, not at all,” he reassured him.

Sirius took a few deep breaths and tried to forget about his nerves. He shoved them into the deepest places in the back of his mind and he soothed himself by thinking that now was the time to get it over with. Tomorrow he could either be the happiest man alive, or he could be severely depressed. Either way was better than this, because knowing that he tried was significantly better than being a loser forever.

“Okay, so,” Sirius began, clearing his throat. “I don’t really know where to start. I guess, um… well remember the time at James’ place when you came to my room?”

Remus nodded.

“Well there are some things that I could have told you that I didn’t. You asked me why I felt like I hadn’t grown up at all and I didn’t answer because the answer had to do with you, and it’s awkward to tell people stuff when they’re involved, you know? But thinking back, I really should have answered that question, I feel kind of bad about it.”

“So why do you feel so young then?” Remus asked with a concerned look on his face.

“I just – I’m a heartbroken fourteen year old boy. I feel the same as I did two years ago and nothing seems to change. There’s this chronic heartache that I’m always aware of, even if I’m really cheerful and happy a lot of the time, there’s this dull ache in the back of my mind. Always. And I just feel so immature for feeling like such an adolescent boy who’s depressed over love just like every other typical teenager. You know?”

“You’re losing me though,” Remus said. 

“Remus-” Sirius sighed. “I feel like a heartbroken fourteen year old because I’m in love with you.”

Remus stared at him with an indescribable expression on his face and Sirius couldn’t tell what was going on in that crazy head of his. Sirius panicked for a moment, thinking this was going to go all wrong and Remus would hate him forever. The silence was starting to get unbearable, and just as Sirius was about to break it, Remus finally spoke.

“You love me?”

“Yes, you idiot. I love you.” Sirius was too scared to hear what Remus would say to that, so he just kept going. Maybe if he gave Remus time to think about it, he would come to a more positive conclusion. “Anyway, about that night, I’m sorry I never woke you up and encouraged you to get back to your room. I promise I wasn’t being creepy.”

“Sirius—”

“It’s just that the heartache goes away when you’re around, which I know sounds stupid because technically you’re the reason I even have this heartache, but it’s true. It’s only bad when you’re not there, and anytime that you’re even in the same room as me it just disappears.”

“Sirius, would you listen—”

“But after we’re alone for a while and then you leave, it comes back with at least double the force and it just hurts and I’m exhausted from hurting so much,” Sirius said, his voice cracking and his eyes tearing up. “Do you know how exhausting it is to be heartbroken all the fucking time? I’m just so tired.”

“Sirius,” Remus said, grabbing his hand. “Stop talking and listen to me for a moment. You’ve hardly given me a chance to speak.”

Sirius nodded, and looked up at Remus shyly. God, Sirius really had it bad if he was doing anything ‘shyly.’ What has the world come to? 

“I didn’t know you were in love with me,” Remus said, speaking very clear and precise, as if afraid that Sirius wouldn’t understand and start ranting again. “I wasn’t really expecting that, but I can’t really say that I’m surprised or that it came out of nowhere. I guess I really do know you, and I think you know me in the same way.”

“The same way?” Sirius’ heart picked up the pace.

Remus gingerly leaned forward across the couch and brushed his lips against Sirius’, whose stomach was immediately flooded with butterflies. “I love you too,” he said breathlessly, bringing his hand to the back of Sirius’ neck. 

Sirius let out a long sigh and gave in to the unrelenting building pleasure in his stomach. He quickly closed the distance between them, crashing their lips together fervently, and Remus suddenly pressed forward and tangled his fingers in Sirius’ hair. Sirius went instantly boneless and clung to Remus as if he’d never have a chance like this again, hardly believing the direction that this night was abruptly and unexpectedly heading in. 

Remus pulled away slowly and looked at Sirius with shining eyes. Sirius raised a finger and placed it against Remus cheek, and slowly trailed it down his body until he dug his fingers into Remus’ hip and gently pushed him down into the couch, as he kissed the corner of Remus’ mouth. He breathed through a wave of arousal as Remus trailed his fingers across his body and found their way underneath his shirt to his lower back. 

Remus shifted and spread his thighs and suddenly they were lined up perfectly, and Sirius tried not to think about it but there was no fucking way that he could not notice Remus’ boner pressed against his, which instantly made little thrums of pleasure shoot up and down his body. Sirius let out a loud moan, unable to contain it any longer.

Sirius’ hands wandered and slid down Remus’ chest until they came to a stop at the button of his jeans. He suddenly stopped everything he was doing and just stared at Remus as if he had found the most magnificent thing in the world, and he was abruptly on the receiving end of Remus’ shining eyes for the millionth time that night. How lucky he was. 

“What – Sirius?”

“You’re so extraordinary….” Sirius half whispered, causing Remus to blush. “How can somebody like you find time in their lives and space in their hearts for somebody like me?”  
Remus rapidly sat up, pushing Sirius next to him.

“What on earth are you talking about?” he asked sternly. 

“Nothing, it’s just a surprise to me that somebody as mediocre as I am could possibly get so lucky.”

“Sirius, you are the opposite of mediocre,” Remus said clearly, grabbing onto Sirius’ hand. “You are the most extraordinary person I know. You get good marks without even trying, you are insanely charismatic to the point where you have girls following you around every corner and dying for even a “hello” from you, you have a crazy talent for Quidditch, and a knack for transfiguration. You keep the smile on my face every day because you have such a hilarious sense of humor and such a charming personality that it’s impossible to be sad around you.”

Sirius was so stunned that he couldn’t even begin to form words, let alone sentences. He stared at Remus open mouthed for what seemed like hours. 

“Remus—”

“Don’t try to prove me wrong, Sirius,” Remus said with such affection in his eyes that Sirius thought he might melt. “There may be traits about yourself that you consider to be mediocre, but in my eyes those traits are what make you you, they are what make you extraordinary.”

Sirius’ lips twitched up into a small smile.

“Oh and one more thing to add the list of extraordinary things about you… you have flawless hair and you are incredibly attractive. Honestly, nobody can compete with your bloody good looks.”

Sirius grinned. “Well, lucky for you, you are the only one who I will allow to see my gorgeous body underneath all of these bothersome clothes.”

“And your modesty is incredible,” Remus said sarcastically. “But I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Now where were we before we started chatting so much?” Sirius asked, stroking his imaginary goatee. 

Remus looked at him with his amber eyes, shining only for Sirius, and claimed Sirius’ lips with his own. Remus bit his bottom lip, and pinned him back against the couch, kissing Sirius with a bruising force intending to finish what they started.

Sirius had never been so happy before. Later that night, as he lied in bed with Remus in his arms, he thought about the dramatic change that this would bring in his life. Sirius would have to get used to being more open than usual to keep their relationship healthy, and he would have to learn all of the boundaries, and he would have to deal with what people would think if they found out. But most importantly he would have to adjust to being incredibly happy and having the love of his life around for every waking moment.

Yeah, Sirius could get used to that.


End file.
